Are you dying to meet someone?

Another Sunday, And I'm so bored in my rented room. Thought of writing on what I have been reflecting lately.

Sometime in September, a friend of mine met his hmmmm what shall I say, his idol?? I think it's better I put it this way, met the person he was eagerly wanting to meet. I know him for about 3 years now, and through our many conversations, I can testify he is a hard-core fan of Gwen Stefani. He not only just met her but gave Gwen a kiss on her cheek. Wow..lucky fellow. And I think this is his second time meeting her face 2 face. The 1st was 12years ago. Happy for you bro, congrats!! Click here to read his post.

Anyway, what I was reflecting about since reading his experience with Gwen is; who I would like to meet? For weeks I've been thinking about this and...hmmm I have no one!!
Yeah I don't have anyone I'm wanting to meet so badly! Yes not even the Pope or the Dalai Lama. Hmmm maybe the Pope, to tell him that a certain Archbishop (whose name with a change in an alphabet can be a malay vulgar word...hehehe) is hypocrite, dirty and self-centered government rewards seeker.

Going back to the issue of not wanting to meet anyone; so am I a proud man cos I'm not eagerly wanting to meet anyone in particular? I kept on searching my heart's desire and its just none! I'm a fan of certain celebrities of course, but...or maybe I'm just being simple and contented with life. Hmmm I don't know!!!

So how about you, yeah you... Are you dying to meet someone? If given the opportunity who do you want to meet?

Now check-out my lucky friend:-

Priest Threatens Ex-Seminarian

This is a follow-up from the post before this that has got much attention especially from a certain group who have actually ignored what i have been trying to tell them before this. I didn't expect the attention but since i have it now, i should make use of it! hehehe. The Malay saying goes so well here; "Siapa makan cili, dia akan rasa pedas".

A close friend of mine received a call from a priest who actually have my number; but the priest chose to call my friend instead, and asked him to advice me not to write such things (i.e my opinion and experiences) on my blog. He said that many other priests are upset and they won't give me a chance when i apply again!!!

Hmmmm a threat? This is precisely what i was writing about. So am i suppose to sit down quietly and not say anything even when there are unjust and 'nonsense' happening? Am i suppose to 'suck up' or 'kowtow' so only then i will be accepted and be ordained?
Chance? what chance?
So it's not a 'calling' now, but chances??? Hmmmm.

Good that now I've got their attention. I was ignored, even after making appointments to meet the 'Big-Shot'. He didn't want to meet me to hear me or even give any explanations. Guess he has no answer, or maybe the guilt prevented him.

By the way, who said I was intending to apply again? After what my family and I have gone through, after witnessing politics within the holy, after seeing decisions made by priest who have 'funny' relationship with his worker, after seeing how the so-called 'respected one' could come up with an evil plot, I'm gonna apply again?? 'Kepala otak engkau'!!

Guess, i don't have what it gets to be a priest in this modern world; I just can't carry balls or suck up to anyone. That's not me and throughout my 7years and 5mths in the seminary I have never done that. I've always been out spoken. But when I questioned the credibility of a system that clearly is biased, I am now the bad guy and should be thrown out!! Hmmmmm.
I am scandalized by their lives and actions! This is not what I thought the priesthood would be. In fact priests of old were never like this at all.
They say I should not blog about this, but they can use the pulpit or meetings to 'fire' or 'whack' people? Tell me about getting personal! Duhhhh!!!
Such hypocrisy!

As I have said many times, i still respect and appreciate the priesthood. Thank God for the many holy and God-fearing priests who tirelessly minister their flock. I salute you, I pray for you. You are the hope of this trying times. You show us the face of God. Here a prayer for you and the rest who need to imitate you.

Prayer for Priests

by St. Therese of Lisieux

O Jesus, eternal Priest,
keep your priests within the shelter of Your Sacred Heart,
where none may touch them.

Keep unstained their anointed hands,
which daily touch Your Sacred Body.

Keep unsullied their lips,
daily purpled with your Precious Blood.

Keep pure and unearthly their hearts,
sealed with the sublime mark of the priesthood.

Let Your holy love surround them and
shield them from the world's contagion.

Bless their labors with abundant fruit
and may the souls to whom they minister
be their joy and consolation here
and in heaven their beautiful and
everlasting crown.
Amen.

No Vocation ???... My Foot!!!!

I was so furious after reading an article where a certain Archbishop was asking parishioners gathered at a meeting to pray for more vocations and he also said that he hoped parents will encourage their children to religious vocations and that many young people will join the priesthood.

His actions and words don't go along. This very Archbishop who is considered as a government bishop (for he likes receiving awards from the government and thereafter keep quiet when there are issues that need to be spoken aloud), has actually 'killed' many religious vocations. Since taking over the 'throne' as an Archbishop he has rejected many applications of those who were applying for seminaries, he has terminated quite number of seminarians and even punished some by extending the years or making sure they go for some 'brain-washing' course. There were some who were pressured to leave. There were a few who was asked to leave because they couldn't speak certain language like the formattor. Some of them became victims because they didn't 'play the game' or to put it in a common saying; they didnt carry 'balls'. I'm sure Jesus too; if he had applied will sure fail to make it because he couldn't fit the criteria above! Jesus, you got to thank your Father for sending You much earlier and not in this present time! They are worst than the pharisees and scribes when You first came.

Immature seminary formattors who keeps grudges because they or their seminary 'systems' have been questioned or challenged or their 'balls' were not carried, are responsible for the decline of vocations too. They do all the 'mess behind' and later in front at the pulpit they can ask parents to send their children to the seminaries. What is your answer to the parents who have sent their children and you have 'kicked' them out? What is your answer to the many who left everything behind including their financial responsibility to their family and now they have to start from scratch. Yes God will take care of them for sure but who is going to take care of the consequences of your actions? God? Yeah, you do the mess and let Him clean it!
There is a saying; "a seminary is the heart of the diocese". But what is a heart without the heartbeat? The heartbeat - life, that I'm referring to are the seminarians. It's sad to see at some seminaries there are more animals than seminarians!

I go all out for the priesthood. Yes the Church needs more priest. But we want priests after the heart of Jesus, not those who work for rewards, or power or for their secretaries, or need their 'balls' to be carried. If you have an ego problem why don't you go for the 'brain-washing' course you have been asking others to go?

After being asked to leave the seminary, i still went promoting religious vocation, but looking at the current situation i guess my advice to many seminarians or aspirants will be; 'just play the game' or in that common saying 'learn to carry 'balls'.
It's a good idea that parishes have vocation promotion team but soon we have to start a support group for those rejected seminarians / aspirants.

Anyway, the fact is, they need our prayers for the are mere human. So join me in this prayer for priests:-

O, Jesus, I pray for Your faithful and fervent priests; for Your unfaithful and tepid priests; for Your priests labouring at home and abroad in distant mission fields; for your lonely and desolate priests; for Your young priests; for Your dying priests.
Above all I recommend to You the priests dearest to me: the priest who baptised me; the priests who absolve me; the priests at whose Masses I assist and who give me Your Body and Blood in Holy Communion; the priests who have taught and instructed me; all the priests to whom I am indebted in any other way.
O, Jesus, keep them all close to Your heart, and bless them abundantly in time and eternity. Amen
(Source- Unknown)

Accidental touch makes girl unclean for prayers.

Hmmmm the above title would be a good headline for the newspapers!

This incident actually happened yesterday; a woman was having a 'break' in-between her prayer and while I was passing her, her tag our fingers slightly touched! For me it was nothing, so i just turned to continue my work but for this woman she was so uneasy that she quickly rose from her chair and told me "Adrian terkena jari kamu tadi, sembayang aku batal, aku kena basuh lagi" ("Adrian...touched your finger, now my prayer is canceled, i have to go and wash (purify) myself again.")

And i was like '@#$%' (no..its not a vulgar word! shame on you!!) I felt insulted of course! When she came back after some time (I guess after purifying herself -because, for the record, we had an accidental touch! and finishing her prayers) i asked her a question; Is it because the touched was with a man or because I'm not of her religion? And she answered that it was because i am a man.

I'm not sure of this religion but i guess they have a reason and some meanings for this sort of 'doings'. Hmmm I hope!
Thank God my religion or rather my relationship with God doesn't have any rigid rules that even an accidental touch can disrupt or even canceled the prayer.

Anyway i find the idea of purifying oneself before prayer is not after all a bad idea, Yes we have to be at right disposition when we're praying. I would like to quote St. John Mary Vianney whose feast day we celebrate today; "Prayer is nothing else than union with God. When the heart is pure and united with God it is consoled and filled with sweetness; it is dazzled by a marvelous light."

In honour of the 150th anniversary of the Death of St. John M. Vianney, Pope Benedict XVI declared that a Year of the Priests be celebrated starting June 19, 2009 until June 11, 2010. The faithful are especially called to pray for priests. I remember the pass weeks during the prayer for priests i was really scandalised. In the prayer especially in the 1st part there we're a lot of 'bodek-ing' ('buttering') on the priests and bishops. Some priests and bishop don't fit in that prayer!! I just felt like amending the prayer and if i did, it would just be a 1 sentence simple prayer. 'Lord Jesus, we thank you for the many faithful priests we have encountered, please bless them and we pray that the bishops and priests will be a faithful servant just as how You were faithful to Your Father.'

"Be still, and know that I am God..." (Psalm 46:10)

I normally stop over at the church nearby to pray for a short while before i rush off to work. But today there was a strange feeling when i was in church. The quietness or rather the stillness I felt after a very long time was something that I just realised I have missed so much in my life. All I could hear at that time when I was in church was the 'Azan' (adhān) - call to prayer for the Muslims. And a little voice within me quoting the scripture text "Be still, and know that I am God..." (Psalm 46:10). It was indeed a beautiful experience

Then what did I do?

Just as always I got up after my short prayer, left the church to continue my journey to work (actually 'rushing' for lunch and then to work)

Only after having a 'slip-up' in my work at the office, I realized the voice within me was asking me to 'be still'. 'Why the hurry?'

The experience in the church might have nothing to do in the 'slip-up' at work (hmmmm maybe there might have something to do), but I'm reminded today that I might have missed out something great such as the presence of God just as how I missed out or rather over-looked something while at work!

Hmmmm what else have I been missing out?

Forgiven?? I don't think so. (Follow-up frm previous post)

Just want 2 share with you a response from a dear friend regarding the previous post (dated May11, 2009).

"I still love u Adrian..regardless!! Being a priest doesn't make one any holier or better dear...(NAME...[Fr.]) always used to remind me at (NAME OF PLACE) .."There are good priests and there are bad priests". These lessons always help us understand that man is never perfect; not even priests.
(NAME...[Fr.])'s famous line, " We only really learn or understand the things we are willing to ACCEPT".
Perhaps its time to figure out your true worth dear..as a human being. Are you able to love and accept yourself now? Are you able to see and more importantly FEEL that God loves you regardless of whether you are a priest or not? Are you still able to Love with the same passion and drive? Can you accecpt that people still love you and see more than your roman collar?
Can you allow yourself to be angry and hurt that people have hurt you? Can you carry that hurt and pain for however long you wish until you are tired of it and want to let it go? (God is patient dear..after all He has all eternity! ha ha) and so am I... Answer these questions from your heart, not your head..la. Your heart is were God dwells.
Luv and big hug" (NAME)

A good reminder, a call for deep reflection, a knock on the head!
Thank you my dear friend.
Reflecting on it, i have come to realise that what i wrote in my previous post is not true at all; i.e. i have not actually forgiven those who are the cause of my crisis. Ahhhh i'm so frustrated and angry with them.
But i guess, its time to move on. Can I? Will I?
Hope this job thingy - a new chapter in my life, would be a good start.

1st Anniversary of Unjust Dismissal

1 year has passed since i was unfairly asked to leave the seminary and till now there are no concrete reasons given to me and no answers to my many questions on my unjust dismissal and the seminary 'happenings' and 'scandals' which i have raised. It has been a very difficult year and in fact its actually 2years since the whole saga started. During this time i have also come to know the 'true colours' of some people and institutions.

In a few days time, a new chapter begins in my life; working life in JB. I still believe God is leading me. He has a reason for allowing me to go through those difficult times, and again there is a reason for this new chapter in my life. I pray that I may do His will.

During this 2 difficult years in my life, I have encountered many different people, especially my fellow lay people, for being there for me. I want to thank you for your prayers, encouragement and care which has been a strength for me to carry on in life. Many says; It is in time of crisis that true character is revealed. It is also in time of crisis you can know who your true friends are. Friends, who stick with you in good times and in bad. I thank all of you who have helped me in one way or another.

For those of you who are the devil's advocate and the cause of these 2 difficult years for me, i forgive you and i pray for you and for those who ostracised and rejected me because i am a 'nobody' now, i pray for you. Too bad, you did not see that I was 'somebody' made in the image and likeness of God.